Chapter 1

Bangalore, Ten Years later

Khushi stood in the balcony looking out at city of Bangalore. From the ninth floor, the city still looked beautiful, as lights twinkled against the backdrop of the sky shrouded with the dark colors of the night.

She had great memories of the city as a small child. She remembered enjoying the blur of traffic as she stood in the front of her father’s Bajaj scooter, her hair flying with the wind. She had especially loved going to MG Road area where all the theatres mostly played English movies, where all the fashionable crowd of Bangalore came to dine, drink or simply hang out with friends. Walking amidst the crowd on Commercial Street, a narrow road flanked on either side by all the famous stores in the city was an experience in itself. It was only bettered by a tall glass of strawberry milkshake and butter masala dosa at Woody’s restaurant on the same street.

She also remembered the trip to Cubbon Park with all her paternal cousins during one summer. Spread over 300 acres, the park with rich green foliage was home to thousands of trees. The children’s park had a toy train running around its perimeter, a mini theater and also a small amusement park within the premises. After eating the big spread of lunch that her aunts had packed, they had even gorged on cotton candy, popcorn and ice cream bars. The way her tummy had flip flopped when the giant wheel, came down from a great height was something she could never forget.

The beauty of children’s memories was the ability to remember only the positive side of life. Once you grow up you no longer view the world with rose-tinted glasses.

In broad daylight, the city was not the famous Garden City it used to be known as anymore.  Having to cater to the demands of the burgeoning population, the city was bursting at its seams. It was dirty, congested and polluted. The city’s beauty had deteriorated terribly — just like her life.

Her parents had divorced two years ago after being married for nearly thirty years. As a child, she had believed that they were a happy family. That is how they had looked to the outside world – a family of four plus their pet dog, living in a decent size villa. She was almost fifteen when that bubble broke and she realized that their marriage had been ridden with problems right from the beginning. Their different backgrounds was a major cause in the rift between them. Her father was hot tempered and her mother was headstrong. It was fatal combination.

After the divorce, she and her mother had moved to Chennai to live with her grandfather. She had quit her job as a journalist at a daily newspaper in Bangalore but after the move, she hadn't been able to find a suitable job in Chennai. She soon realized that it was because of her inability to adapt to the culture of  the new city.

A year later, her father had died. When her uncle had called and informed her mother, she had refused to attend his funeral. So she had decided to come alone and taken care of the necessary arrangements for the last rites. After all, he was her father. In spite of all that had happened in their lives, there were some good times she could remember. While her mother had every right to hate her spouse for not taking care of her the way she deserved, as a child she couldn't do that to a man who had at least provided for her financially, if not emotionally. After the funeral, much to her mother’s chagrin, she had decided to stay back in Bangalore. For better or for worse, it was her city after all.

Loud laughter brought broke her reverie. It was a gathering of long-time friends. Memories of ten years ago, when she had seen them for the first time in Udupi came rushing back. Memories were such a strange thing. Some were so strong that they stay in the mind forever, some that unravel themselves like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, and there were others that felt like they never happened. That day, had been somewhat hazy in her mind for a lot had happened in her life since then. But some memories had begun to come back to her recently.

She was excited about this trip ever since their family friend Mr. Shetty had visited them in Bangalore and had offered to take her to Udupi on his return trip back home.

Though her parents were reluctant, they had eventually let her go after her incessant pleading that she wanted to see her older sister Payal who was studying in Sai College of Engineering. She wasn't sure if they were convinced by her pleading or if they were just too tired to argue with her. She knew she could wear them out with sheer obstinacy. Well, not obstinacy — she would like to call it being persistent. She didn’t know what they were so worried about. After all, she was all of sixteen — almost an adult. In a couple years she would be old enough to travel on her own and then there would be no stopping her. Her family did not go on vacations. She would change all that. She would travel all over India and the world. That was her life’s motto.

She had stood on the shores of Malpe beach taking in the panoramic view of the mighty ocean. This was why she had wanted to come to here. She loved the sea. It was probably because she was born in the coastal city of Chennai and had been going to the beach during her summer vacations to her grandparents’ house.

She squealed in pleasure as the sea water hit her face with full force. She turned around to see Payal and her friends sitting on chairs, under the shade of umbrellas. The girls were chit-chatting as they applied sun screen on their skin, while the boys playfully tossed a volley ball amongst each other . Two of the girls Deepana and Vishakha were from Bangalore, and also Payal’s roommates at the hostel, The other girl Ramya belonged to Udupi just like Rahul, Rakesh and Rohit while Rishabh was from a nearby town. She was fascinated at how handsome the boys looked in their shorts, t-shirts, sunglasses and fancy watches. Payal with her fair skin and long curly hair, looked slim and beautiful in her capris and a sleeveless top. She was undoubtedly the beauty in the group.

She looked down at her own skin, tanned by the sun. It was thanks to playing badminton out on the streets. She didn’t care. Nothing could keep her away from playing sports. She had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she had almost been swept away by a wave – at least that was what she was told ….

 ‘Khushi—’ She came back to the present as a familiar voice called her. ‘Why are you standing here alone?’ Deepaana had come into the balcony looking for her.

 She was also wondering what she was doing there. She had thought about it many times in the last one year, but she had always brushed it off telling herself that she was overthinking everything too much and that there was nothing weird about this situation. But she couldn’t stop feeling a twinge of guilt.

A month after her dad’s funeral, she had met Deepana and Rohit who were married and living in this very apartment. Tonight Deepana was hosting a small get together for her college friends.

Khushi turned around, her lips twisted in a smile. ‘Just needed some fresh air.’

‘Congrats on your promotion!’ Deepana said, ‘Rishabh just told me.’

Shortly after meeting Deepana, she’d met Rishabh who was visiting them after returning from the United States. He had just started a company that made education based software. He had immediately offered her a job when he realized she was searching for one.

 ‘Thank you Dee.’ Khushi said in a low voice. ‘I really don’t know what I did to deserve a promotion.’

She might have been confident if she were still a journalist. This job as an Instructional Designer was not really her forte. She wondered if she had been impulsive in quitting her job at the newspaper. But there was no point in raking up the past. Moreover, her current job payed better and at this time in her life she definitely needed that.

 ‘Khushi you should learn to by happy. You have to move on,’ She took her hand in hers, ‘I think I have told you this before. According to the lines in your palm, good things are coming your way soon. In fact, that time starts tonight.’ She winked.

‘Really?’ Khushi raised her eyebrows in disbelief. She knew Deepana dabbled in palmistry as a hobby.

‘Come,’ she took Khushi’s arm and led her into the house.

What had she meant by tonight?

Khushi followed Deepana into the dining room and saw that Rohit and Rishabh were setting up the table.

‘Sweetheart, did you call Rakesh?’ Deepana asked her husband.

‘Oh he called earlier — he will not be able to make it today,’ Rohit replied, ‘I don't know why he doesn’t come to any of our get-togethers. Dee, give me that plate and sit down. You shouldn't be tiring yourself so much now.’

‘I need the exercise.’ Deepana and Rohit were expecting their first child in a few months.

‘Vishakha, are you in touch with Ramya?’ Rishabh asked.

This was the first time she was meeting Vishakha who was married and living in the United States.

‘Just because we both live in the US, does it mean we should be in touch?’ Vishakha retorted. ‘I am sure Rahul is in touch with her. After all they did their pre-university together.’

‘Rishabh, let’s not irritate our NRI guest of honour — here, sit at the head of the table,’ Rahul quipped pulling out a chair for Vishakha.

‘Shut up. It’s you who is the guest of honour,’ Vishakha said, ‘You are getting married in a month!’

Khushi had already met the easy going Rahul sometime back and had even attended his engagement six months ago.

‘Don’t do it man.’ Rishabh said with a mischievous smile, ‘you might end up like me.’

 ‘I am counting on Rohit for marital advise — thank you!’ Rahul shot back.

Rishabh’s divorce had come through a couple of months ago. Even though he joked about it, and tried to appear nonchalant, only Khushi knew how much it had affected him.

Looking at the friends laughing together, she almost missed the shiny object resting on her spoon along with the rice kheer. She picked up the ring in her hand and looked up at Rishabh. Oh God — No!

There was pin drop silence in the room as Rishabh stood and came to her side.

‘Khushi,’ he took the ring from her and kneeled down on the floor,  ‘will you do the honour of marrying me?’

Khushi’s mind had blanked out. She knew she should say something but the words just wouldn't come out of her mouth. She just understood what Deepana had meant. She looked at her helplessly.

The friends slowly left the room, giving Khushi and Rishabh the privacy they needed.

‘Khushi, say something!’ Rishabh urged.

‘I — I am sorry Rishabh —’ Khushi stuttered, ‘I don't know what to say.’

‘Are you saying no?’ He demanded.

‘No — I am not saying that.’ She shook her head.

‘Then what the hell are you trying to say?’ He raked a hand through his hair and walked out to the balcony.

Khushi followed him quietly and stood looking at the tense lines of his shoulders and back as he clutched the railing. Rishabh was of average height and looks. But he had a charming personality. He was ambitious, hardworking and a go-getter. He had all the qualities of a leader which she suspected was something he might consider in the future as his dad was a politician. His only flaw was his temper.

‘Rishabh, please try to understand,’ Khushi stood a  few paces being him, ‘You surprised me --’

‘This is how it is done Khushi,’ Rishabh turned around. ‘Most women like these kinds of surprises.’

How did he know that, she wondered.

‘Is this because of my divorce?’ He asked her.

‘Of course not!’ Khushi denied vehemently, ‘you know I supported you when you were going through all the stress.’

‘Exactly!’ Rishabh walked up to her and held her arms. ‘I don’t know how I could have managed without you all those months. I was so glad to have met you —.’

As she had started working for Rishabh, they had initially shared a cordial professional relationship. Then after  few months he had confided in her that he was in the middle of a divorce. Having gone through the pains of a divorce with her mom she had empathized with his situation and supported him as a friend. But she wasn't really sure when the lines of friendship had blurred and their relationship had turned into something more.

‘I am glad I met you too Rishabh,’ Khushi began, ‘what I am trying to say is that this is not the right time. Your US trip is coming up soon. Don’t you think it’s time to concentrate on the business?’

‘I know how to take care of my business Khushi,’ his anger made his tone curt, ‘what has that got to do with you giving me a simple answer?’

‘I am not ready for this,’ Khushi decided to be straight with him. ‘It’s too soon —‘

‘Too soon?’ he demanded, ‘I have felt like this for a long time now — don’t tell me you didn’t know.’

She honestly didn’t know – at least not at first. She had helped him during his difficult time as any friend would. She had only recently realized that the lunches and dinners they shared were taking on a special meaning.

‘Please Rishabh --’  She pleaded, ‘I am not in a state of mind to make decisions about my future. I have my mother to take care of.’

‘Come on!’ he exclaimed, ‘once we are married, I will be taking care of everything for you.’

‘I don't want you to Rishabh!’ Khushi hit back, angrily, ‘I don't need others to carry the burden of my responsibilities. My life is a little complicated right now — there’s so much I need to do before I think about settling down --’

‘This is about Payal, isn't it?’ he increased his grip on her arm.

‘No, it is not --’ she winced, ‘Rishabh -- you are hurting me!’

‘In the past few months we have been discussing Payal with you because you were curious. We understand considering everything that happened.’ He paused for a few moments. ‘We didn’t want to tell you this but you leave us no choice now. Come with me.’

As they stepped into the living room, everyone except Deepana were relaxing with a glass of wine in their hand.

‘Listen,’ Rishabh announced gruffly, looking at his friends. ’I think it is time we told Khushi the truth about Payal.’

Deepana’s face turned pale. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea -- ’

‘She will be able to move on only if we tell her everything Dee!’ he exclaimed.

‘Let’s talk first.’ As Deepana walked into the bedroom, all the friends followed, leaving Khushi alone in the living room. She thought of the first time she had sat in this living room one year ago.

While cleaning her dad’s things after his death, she had found a box in the bedroom loft. It belonged to Payal. She had found her college photos, greeting cards and her cell phone among other things. After charging the phone, she had managed to find Deepana’s number for that was pretty much the only number that she was able to reach.

Deepana came back into the room with the others in tow. She sat down next her and gently placed her hand on her shoulder.

‘Khushi, this is something we had all decided that we would never talk about.’ Deepana said, ‘It was all in the past and we just thought it was best be left buried.’

The atmosphere was absolutely still. It seemed like everyone was afraid to make any sound. Finally Rishabh spoke up.

‘Payal was seeing someone -- a senior during our second year of college. It was not something we approved of as he wasn't the right sort of person for her. We all tried to talk her out of it. But she wouldn't listen. By the end of the year, the guy graduated out of college. After that he dumped her.’

‘She was deeply depressed at first. But with time, she came out her depression and was doing fine.’ Deepana said.

 ‘During the final year,’ Vishakha continued, ‘she started becoming very secretive and reclusive. We suspected that she had started seeing this guy again. She wasn’t herself anymore.’

‘There was no suspicion!’ Rahul raised his voice. ‘She was seen going up to his beach house quite often. We also saw them arguing on the night of the farewell party.’

‘Does that mean —?’ She couldn't quite bring herself to say it loud.

‘Yes,’ Rishabh answered with conviction. ‘He was responsible for her death.’

Death.

It sounded surreal to her even after eight years. She still couldn't believe she had become a single child. Payal had drowned in the pool at a resort on the night of her farewell party.

That night, Khushi sat on her bed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Eight years ago, when the news about Payal had reached home, her parents had left her behind with relatives as she was preparing for her second year pre university board exams. They hadn’t even told her what had happened. When they had returned home with her mortal remains, she had been shocked beyond words. They had only told her that it was accidental drowning and nothing more than that. After the incident her parents’ marital situation had worsened. She had been balancing between her studies and taking care of her mother who was getting more and more dependent on her.

 She looked at the small paper clipping on the bed. It was a eight year old newspaper article about Payal’s death. “Student of Sai College of Engineering dies in accidental drowning during farewell party” read the headlines of the article which also spoke about how students who stay away from home get involved with bad company in the absence of parental supervision. “The police have ruled it as accidental drowning under the influence of alcohol, but they do not suspect any foul play.” The journalist had quoted the principal who had said “Students like her bring a bad name to the entire institution.”

When she had found this paper clipping, in another box, she had called her mother. Her mother had no clue about the article and was reluctant to talk about the incident. It looked like her father hadn’t told her about it. Then she had decided to meet Deepana. Being a journalist she knew that news was sometimes twisted to create sensationalism. She had wanted to know the truth.

But when she had met Deepana for the first time, she had hesitated to ask her. Deepana had talked about how the three of them had met, and how they had formed the only all girls dumb charades team in their college and won competitions. Later, she had met Rishabh and then Rahul. As they all talked about the fun times they had dancing at the fresher’s party, the movies they had watched together or the trips they went to, she had been fascinated. She had suddenly felt that she wanted remember Payal just the way they were talking about her. She didn’t want to hear the truth anymore. “Truth is not hidden – you are hiding from it” Sadhguru’s words couldn’t have been more truer.

He was responsible for her death… Rishabh’s words reverberated in her mind over and over again.

Over the years she had forgotten his face. She had even forgotten his name. But she had always remembered a happy memory about learning to dance with the man who had the most beautiful brown eyes and a voice so husky, that had made her heart flutter when he had called her name— Khushi.

It was only when his name was spoken aloud that she remembered….

Arnav Singh Raizada.