Chapter 10

KHUSHI woke up to find that Arnav had left the bed, and since it was Sunday, her alarm was set for a later time than the usual 6 AM. As she stood in the kitchen a little later contemplating what she should make for breakfast, Mrs. Rai walked into the kitchen.

"I hope you know it will be just the two of us today," Mrs. Rai said, "Arnav and Manav have gone to Delhi."

Khushi felt a twinge of disappointment. "If it's okay with you I will just make dosa then," Khushi said and began her preparation for chutney.

"Don’t worry about chutney Khushi," aunty said, "let's just use spiced chutney powder today."

"Sure aunty." Khushi loved spiced chutney powder mixed with sesame oil as that was what they did at her house. Her mother was not a very big fan of coconut chutney.

Finally, Khushi sat down for her breakfast after making half a cup of coffee for Mrs. Rai as was her custom after breakfast.

"This is amazing coffee that you make Khushi," she said, "I would like to tell you again that we are very lucky to have met you."

"Please aunty," Khushi said, "don't say that. I have learnt so many new things from you. You are a great teacher."

Mrs. Rai smiled. "Arnav will be lucky to find someone like you."

Khushi went red in the face but she remained silent.

Then Mrs. Rai's face became serious. "Perhaps I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not like I can have any say in his future. Sorry dear."

Khushi noticed the pain that crossed Mrs. Rai face. "Why do you say that aunty? Do you think you no longer have any right to interfere in Arnav's life because your sister is no more and that your brother-in-law remarried?"

"Ah Khushi," the old woman sighed, "I wish that were the case."

"It's actually nice to see Arnav keeping in touch with you – there is a family I know where the child completely lost touch with his mother's family after the father re-married."

"Khushi – you are mistaken and rightly so because we didn’t really explain this to you earlier. Arnav doesn’t really like to talk about this part of his life."

As Khushi waited to hear what Mrs. Rai was trying to say Mrs. Rai said, "When my sister Soundarya met Arnav's father – he was already a married man."

"Oh!" Khushi said unable to stop herself.

"Khushi, before you judge my sister, I would like to tell you her story from the beginning so you can understand."

"My sister and I lost our parents in a car accident when my sister had just finished her B.A. I was newly married and my husband and I taught in a nearby college. Since we had certain financial commitments, she started looking for jobs and found the position as a secretary at a construction company in Udupi city.

"Mr. Raizada had come down for the project and as they worked together my sister fell in love with Arun. At first, she didn’t know he was married, but eventually she found out, and when she confronted him, he promised her that he would end the marriage and marry her."

Khushi couldn’t imagine how the young girl might have felt in the face of such a quandary.

"He left for Delhi as the project ended and as she waited for him, she got a call from him one day telling her he wouldn’t be able to leave his wife and she never told him that she was expecting his child."

"That's when she came and told us," Mrs. Rai continued, "needless to say we were shocked beyond words, and when we asked her why she didn’t tell him she told us she thought it was wrong to break up someone's home. As we were wondering what we should do – she told us with startling clarity that she was keeping her baby at any cost."

"Luckily, my husband was very understanding," she said, "he suggested we should move to Bangalore to avoid gossip as this was a village.

"In Bangalore, we told people that she had lost her husband. Even if people were curious, they were open minded and didn’t ask us anything. After the baby was born we were all so ecstatic.

"But I realized my sister was still in love with Arun, when she named the baby Arnav. She never spoke about him but I knew."

"The following year my son Aarav was born and she took care of both the children with equal love. We were all so happy.

"When she found out she had cancer she was devastated, as were we. On her deathbed, she called Arnav to talk him.

"When Arun came here to take him to Delhi, we realized that Soundarya had written to him," she explained, "we protested but Arnav came out and told us that he wished to go. I think he had taken his mother's last words to heart. She had told him about his father and that he should always listen to him and take care of him. But those words have almost become a curse for the boy."

"Oh God!" Khushi said.

"I don’t know much about what really happened after Arnav went to Delhi because Arnav wouldn’t tell me anything when I talked to him on the phone. But I got the feeling that all was not well. His dad refused to send him here for holidays and we weren’t allowed to visit him either.

"But when Arnav joined engineering here, he would spend his holidays with us in Bangalore. I got the feeling that he didn’t get along with his step mother Indrani or his step brother Akash. The only person who had welcomed him in that house was his cousin sister Anjali who was Indrani's brother's daughter. The father and daughter lived with the Raizadas after Anjali's mother passed away."

"That's nice – so Arnav has two siblings." Khushi said. "They must be married."

"Yes, they are both married -- in fact theirs happened to be a double wedding around Arnav's graduation – with the children of the Raizadas' business associates," Mrs. Rai said, "Anjali married Shyam Jha and Akash is married to his sister Sia."

"Arnav feels ashamed of his birth even though he loved his mother a lot. That's why he doesn’t talk about it and had strictly told us not to talk about it either.

"The reason I told you all this was because after my recent fall, all kinds of thoughts have been crossing my mind. Before something happens to me, I wanted someone who can be neutral to understand my sister's perspective."

Khushi gently touched Mrs. Rai's shoulder. "I think Arnav's mother was very young when all this happened," Khushi said, "you had lost your parents and you were newly married. Maybe she felt vulnerable. For all that she went through she has been courageous," Khushi said genuinely feeling bad for the young girl. "and I feel she wasn’t at fault."

"I hope you can explain this to him one day." Mrs. Rai said before retiring to her room.

Arnav stood in his father's office facing the older man seated on his chair. He looked formidable even in his casual Polo t-shirt and trousers.

"How is the progress on the sale of the college?" he asked him.

"I don’t think there will be a need for that," Arnav said, "I will make sure there are no more losses coming from there."

Arunoday Singh Raizada stared at his son. "Why are you so stubborn about everything?"

"You know why," he said, "it is legacy."

The college had been founded in the memory of his maternal grandmother and he would try his best to keep the college running, for as long as it was in his power. When the college was running losses a few years ago, his father had invested in it and saved it albeit for his own business interests.

"Let's talk about it later," he grudgingly acceded, "you are doing good with the construction project. The clients are very happy with the progress."

"Well the project itself is not that complicated but the issues are more operational in nature," Arnav explained the details regarding the project. "we need to hire better managers at the Udupi office."

"We will work on that – but looks like you won't be needed there much longer," his father said, "I have lined up another project for you here in Delhi."

Arnav looked at his dad. "I don’t think it will be possible for me to start another project soon. I have to look in to the affairs of my company as well."

"You have a partner who can do that," his father dismissed it, "this is very important for AR Industries."

"Ma needs me there." Arnav knew he was grasping at straws.

"I need you more." He looked at him, his eyes simmering with latent anger. Your aunt has her son to take care of her. "As your father can't I expect some return for all that I have done for you? You left me to go to the US all those years ago!"

All that I have done for you… were his dad's favourite words that he had carried like a burden since the age of twelve. If it weren’t for his mother's last words he would have just turned his back and walked away. His mother may have forgiven him, but it was hard for Arnav to forget the fact that his father had abandoned her.

"You were grooming Akash then --" just as his mother wished he added mentally. She had been waiting a long time for him to leave unbeknownst to his father. There was nothing to be achieved by telling him that now.

"You knew very well Akash was not interested in business!" his father said with disdain.

That had been his father's biggest grouse that Akash had neither been a bright student not had he shown any interest in the business. It wasn’t Akash's fault that he was interested in art more than anything else and not for the lack of trying. Arnav rubbed his temple. "Dad, I moved back from US just because you needed me." Arnav reminded him.

"Of course, you did," his father stared back, "after all that happened -- " he paused.

A muscle ticked in Arnav's jaw as the need to walk away increased by the second."I just need some time."

"If you need more time, there is only one way ---," His father said, "Have you given a thought to what I told you during your previous visit?"

A dread came over Arnav. "Dad," he said, "that proposal is just too absurd for me to even give you a response. It's just not possible for me agree to an arranged marriage with Mr. Kashyap's daughter. It's a business deal not a marriage."

"So, what?" he asked his son, "happens all the time."

"Not possible." Arnav said firmly.

"Why not?" Arunoday asked him, "Lavanya Kashyap is quite beautiful and a modern girl and it's not like you have someone in your life. You said you didn’t have anyone couple of months ago."

He hadn’t given it a serious thought, but the way he felt about Khushi had been consuming him for a while now. Arnav knew there would be no point explaining anything to his father at this point of time. He looked at his watch. "I am late for a dinner appointment," he said, "I will get going now."

"You can walk away now," his dad said, "but you can't run away from this forever."

Arnav walked out of the office very fast. He couldn’t wait to get out of this dreaded house.

"Arnav baba!" Hari Prakash, the domestic help called out to him and Arnav could sense a desperation in his voice.

"HP!," Arnav greeted him affably, "How are you?"

"I am fine -- Madam wants to see you in her room," the man looked a little harassed, " Will you have dinner later?"

"I am sorry but I have dinner plans," he told the older man, "I will see her and leave right away."

Arnav knocked on the door and stepped inside the opulently decorated bedroom of his step mother Mrs. Indrani Singh Raizada.

"Arnav, come over here and sit down." Indrani sat on her massive and luxurious four poster bed, propped by pillows. Despite the many skin lifts done to her skin, devoid of makeup, her age showed on her face.

"Hope you are feeling alright madam?" he asked her politely as he sat on the silk upholstered ornate chair.

"You should stop calling me that now," she said weakly, "call me Mom. I have told you many times."

"Old habits die hard," Arnav said just as politely as before, "may I know why you wanted to see me."

"How can you act so nonchalant?" she countered, "can't you see how I have become?" she asked him, "I am not alright Arnav. You know why."

"There is nothing I can do," Arnav answered evasively, "it's not really in my hands."

"Of course, it is," she sat up, "Tell him to come back. Please – I miss him so much. It's been five years!"

She was referring to her beloved son Akash who had moved to Sikkim along with his wife. He ran a home stay in a quaint little village on the outskirts of Pelling in Sikkim, while working on his paintings.

"Akash is very -- peaceful there," Arnav pointed out and rightly so because Akash was finally able to do what he really wanted to in his life. "Please try to understand him."

"It is all because of you!" she grated out, "if it wasn’t for you – none of this would have happened. The least you could do is bring my son back to me."

Arnav stood up. "I am sorry." He said, losing count of the number of times he had said it in his entire life. Arnav stood at the door. "I am sure he will visit you like he usually does on your birthday."

"I don’t need him to visit me – I want him to come back!" A glass came flying at him, just as he closed the door behind him, splintering into smithereens. None of her histrionics bothered him anymore as he was used to her behavior since he was a young boy. He walked quickly out of the house feeling an intense need to breathe peacefully. The atmosphere inside his father's house was worse than the polluted air of Delhi. He couldn’t wait to get back to Udupi, and into the arms of a certain doe-eyed beauty. She was like a balm to his soul.

An hour later, Arnav walked into one of Delhi's elite restaurants and the moment he entered, one of the staff members led him to the table where Manav was already waiting for him.

"How did it go?" Manav asked him after ordering another drink.

"It was the usual," he said, "are we set for the meeting tomorrow morning? I hope everything goes well. I want to get out of here as soon as possible."

"So how is my dearest brother doing?"

Arnav looked up to see Anjali looking tall and elegant in her designer kurta that she had matched with a trouser to give it a modern look.

Arnav stood up to give his sister a hug.

"I was already here before you," she told him affably, "I went to the rest room."

"Di," Arnav said, "where is your hubby?"

"He is very busy with the upcoming elections."

"I don’t know how you adjust to his lifestyle," he said, "I mean there is nothing wrong with being a politician but knowing you –"

"When another person enters your life one has learn to adapt Arnav. That is what a marriage is all about."

"Good to know that," Manav said, "I will try to stay as far away from it as possible."

"Really?" Anjali said, "what will you do when you find the perfect girl?"

"Who says I have to get married to her?" he countered. "The feelings two people share for each other need not be confined by something as mundane as marriage."

"That's American influence talking." Anjali said, "it's not practical. You will understand when you have a child."

"Speaking of which -- how is my sweet pea?"

"Ananya is fine," she said, about her seven-year old daughter who studied in a boarding school in Dehradun. "I am one who misses her terribly."

"Then why don’t you just bring her here?"

"I am planning to do that – you know I was studying for my Phd – but now I have a good job on hand." Anjali had recently landed a job as a research scientist at a reputed pharmaceutical company.

"Now enough about me -- who is this Khushi?"

As Arnav shot daggers with his eyes, Manav shrugged his shoulders. "She asked me what was going on in your life. Was it supposed to be a secret?"

"Why are you being so touchy dear brother?" Anjali asked, "looks like she is some one important."

"I don’t know what Manav has been telling you." Arnav said leaning back in his chair trying his best to look casual.

"The only way to find out is to come to Udupi--" Manav extended an invitation, "--before I leave for the US next week."

"After Manav told me about your recent trip to the beach I am really tempted," Anjali said.

"It will be good to catch up with you a little more," Arnav told his sister, "Think about it."

The next night, Khushi stood in the terrace thinking about the email she had received from Prahlad Shenoy in response to the one she had sent asking him about the nature of the information he had obtained from Rakesh. He had told her that Rakesh had talked about the involvement of a certain person. But he had refrained from given her details, instead had provided her the name and number of the police inspector who had been assigned to investigate the case and suggested talking to him as he didn’t want to say anything further to jeopardize the situation.

Talking to the police was a big step and she was not prepared for this situation. Tears welled up in her eyes when she thought about investigating Arnav behind his back. How could she do something like that when she felt the way she did about him. Her heart told her that Arnav was innocent of all the blame. Payal's friends were surely mistaken about Arnav.

"Khushi?" Arnav came up behind her, "to what do I owe that special dinner you made tonight?" he asked her, "you made kori rotti." She had found those thin wafer-like rotis in the store which served as accompaniment with his favourite chicken gassi.

Khushi looked up at him and said nothing. "No reason." She stepped close and hugged him tight. This is how he had hugged her when she had cried the other night lamenting about her parents.

It is not your burden to carry. It is a parent's job to protect a child and not the other way around….

Thoughts like these can bog you down and stop you from doing things that you really want to do in life….

At that time, she had no inkling about his family situation and had ignorantly tried to advise him.

"Hey!" he said leaning back, "what's happened?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "Are you feeling alright? Your allergy."

"I am fine," he stepped back, "I should thank you for taking care of me the other night," he whispered as he bent his head close to her lips but Khushi stepped back. "Arnav I want to talk to you about something." The guilt that she was keeping a vital information from him nagged at her.

He stepped back and raked a hand through his hair. "I know what you want to tell me." He looked at her seriously.

"You do?"

"It's about Rashmi, isn’t it?" he asked her, "you wanted to talk to me earlier as well. "

"That not really what –"

"Rashmi and I were together in college."

"I know," Khushi admitted, "Manav told me."

"I guessed as much – he was the one who hinted to me that I should talk to you," he said with a smile, "so you know everything."

Khushi shook her head. "Not why you broke up."

Arnav walked to the parapet wall and leaned on it. "I haven’t told this to anyone --- A little after my graduation, Rashmi's father found out about us and he refused to let her attend college. Then one day I went to their house – to talk to him," Arnav paused, "I told him that he should send her to college, that I would take responsibility for Rashmi."

Khushi thought that was a very brave move on his part but said nothing.

"He told me point blank that it was not possible to allow us to be in a relationship as we were from different castes," he said, "But he was curious about my family background. When I told him that I wouldn’t be taking my father's wealth – that I wanted to make it on my own, he thought I was being impractical.

"I also told him I couldn’t marry her until I could finish my MS in the States – I had also urged him to send Rashmi to the States after her graduation. He thought I was being arrogant for thinking Rashmi would wait for me for so long when there were wealthy grooms lined up for her."

"What about Rashmi?"

"I don’t blame her for not picking up my calls after that," he said, "I think Rashmi felt betrayed by me. It must have looked like I was giving reasons for not wanting to marry her."

"It was bad timing in your lives," Khushi said, "why do you blame yourself?"

"Because I felt relieved after the break up instead of being sad," he said, "I'd actually wanted to break up with her even before that – " He paused looking out into the darkness.

"But then I didn’t -- because I didn’t want to break her heart."

"You felt responsible –" Khushi pointed out.

"But it is not right to marry someone out of a sense of responsibility. They deserve better. But when we met later we cleared the air. So now we are good friends. That's it."

Arnav walked toward Khushi. "I think I have made myself clear now." He looked down at her, his brown eyes simmering. As Khushi felt summersault in her stomach, she said, "Arnav –"

"Arnav!" Manav's voice rung out at the same time drowning her voice, "where are you?"

"I am coming!" Arnav called out to him. "give me minute."

"Manav and I are planning to go out for a drink," Arnav explained, "I am glad he is going back soon," he said, looking at her in a way that made her heart race. "By the way you look very pretty in this kurta." Khushi was wearing a navy-blue kurta with a wide neck and red buttons down the front and she had matched it with red leggings.

Before she could respond, he captured her mouth enclosing hers completely. Without letting her lips go, he pushed her to the wall, his tongue slipping inside her mouth to meet her tentative one. As soon as Khushi moved her hand up his chest in a feeble attempt to push him away, he held her wrist and pinned them to the wall behind her. His other hand slid from her neck, his fingers tracing her collar bone to hover at the first button of her neckline. As his kiss deepened, Khushi had no more thoughts in her mind, needs of her body taking over those of the mind.

"Arnav!" Manav's voice echoed loudly.

"F@#$!" Arnav said before leaving her standing there trying to catch her breath.